I suddenly started to have a bad day. Well, it's not so much a bad day as a general malaise. Some things just throw me into a mood.
Will you talk to me? It doesn't matter that you can't repond. I'll guess what you would say.
Here's what happened: you went off with Maddie, everybody else went the other way. I was indecisive for a moment, and found myself alone. Then I caught sight of Bo and Senecca together, and it took all of my will to stay in that spot and act normally. He barely looks at me, hasn't even spoken to me since last week. I feel sick and sad. It's the same thing that we were talking about, you know? I never thought that I'd catch myself so overwhelmingly jealous, but I am. I'm ashamed just thinking about it. "I was never grateful, that's why I spend my days alone."
Why aren't I a little more self-assured, you ask? Why am I letting it get to me?
Because life's too short, we're alone too long. I try to take what I can, be happy while it lasts, but the people I want around are disappearing at an alarming rate. Danielle will be gone soon, and I doubt that I will see her over the summer. She'll show up to say goodbye when she leaves for college, and it's going to be fucking hard to let her go. I miss her already. "When you go, would you even turn to say, 'I don't love you like I did yesterday'?"
I wish I didn't have to do what I do...
I would stop if only someone could say to me simply, "You don't need this. Stop."
I would say, "Why should I listen to you?" He or she would reply, "Because I am telling you to, because this is not what you should be."
That's the person I would love. Such things never happen anymore, isn't that right? I wish I were wrong.