They caught me, for once.
They made me confess my faults and scars.
They're going to medicate me,
take my life away from me,
tell me I'm a symptom of my disease.
But I hate to tell you of my hurts
because yours are so much greater
and you bear them so much better
than I.
but it seems that these clumsy words
could be my last.
My last chance for
a connection
a salvation
anything to make me want to wake.
Nobody likes you if you're sad.
That's what I was told.
If I gave a second's thought to the way I live, I would say that I keep to myself.
That's all I have for now.
Do something for me the next time you watch The Wizard of Oz. Pay close attention when the Wicked Witch of the West is melting. She says something to the effect of, "You've destroyed my lovely wickedness!" Those may not be the exact words, but you get the picture. Ponder that. There's a story behind those words. There's something more to that witch than a comic and ineffectual villan. Imagine a world where those who are supposedly 'good' are so corrupt and self-righteous that they could drive the witch to do anything to thwart them. It's sad to think that this is the kind of world that I live in, but I shouldn't be surprised.
Now this is what I've learned since last night: You have to take your pain and turn it into something that matters. Anything can be overcome. I've reached the lowest depths that I've seen so far in my life, and now I have to decide whether or not I want to climb out again.
I've reached those nights again. The ones where the cuts don't bleed, and the eyes only drip tears because fire has leeched the moisture from my room. I can't claim to understand this numbness. I only sleep because I know that I should, and the white pills back up the belief.
I've tried- to cry, to bleed, to hurt- but I'm still loost in this god-forsaken nothingness. I want pain, I want any feeling, so I can spew words across pages and fill them with the part of my soul that I kept.
That's it, isn't it? I've lost my soul, given it to someone who does not want it. If only I knew how to get it back.
....god-forsaken.
That's a word to remember.
