You were asleep so quickly, and I was left almost alone. The songs were there to keep me company. His voice and the water swept me up and I became Ophelia, floating, disintegrating on my way down into something darker. The flowers aren’t so sweet, you know. Lovely but they cause me pain. Someone forgot to cut the thorns from my white roses. The reds hurt so much I threw them far from me. Fear woke before me but you didn’t hear a thing. It was silent then, but for me speaking to no one. The knife wasn’t there to cut anything, it was there to threaten. To make a very certain point. To tell me to get used to the feeling. It never ends, you know. I was looking for the door as well, but like the same tragic, hopeless one, it never appeared. There was no door. My mind’s not made up to do anything, only wait and decide at the last moment. If there is another moment left.

Conversations

Words are something I haven’t given in a long time. I…can’t find them sometimes. It’s easy not to exist, do you know that? It’s easy not to feel, not to care. I’m sorry. I never left. All you had to do was call for me, and I’d be there, no questions asked. I’d do anything for you, but sometimes I feel unneeded. I don’t want to disappear like all the others. I don’t want to die from being forgotten. Why were we even reminded of what we lost? We could have done something, anything at all, to save the one we loved, still love, even after all this time! A short time together in bittersweet love, would that even count as a love? Is that the closest thing we have to actually having someone?

I know. He could have loved me. He could have loved us. Maybe, in time, we’d forget what it was that we were looking for. I’d learn how to be unafraid again. I’d actually be able to help someone, someone who would accept all of me, who would trust me to return the love and trust given. Is that so much to want? We could have had it! It was floated in front of our faces and then it was snatched away, god reconsidering a promise. I want what I was promised! I want what we could have had.